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Positively Grateful

Posted by admin on April 4, 2018 in Motherless Mom |

“ It was pre-cancerous.”

The words just said by the doctor hang in the air within a cartoon bubble. I watch his mouth keep moving. However, his words are on mute to my ears.

When I finally tune in again, I realize he is talking in a serious doctor tone explaining that I will have to remove gluten from my diet. After years of medical treatments, yo-yo weight swings, surgeries and medications, I have been diagnosed with Celiac Disease.

I nod and took the papers he handed me. Somehow I got back to my car and buckled myself in. To say it is surreal isn’t the right word. I grab my phone to call my husband. I had promised to call when I was done. He answers on the first ring.

I stutter out the words before I realize what I am saying.

“ They caught pre-cancer.”

With the words out, I begin to cry. I babble out the words the doctor said about me having Celiac Disease, and I have to change what I eat.

The relief washes over me like a consistent tidal wave. Years of fighting with my thyroid and losing it, the weight never came off. My endo sent me for blood work, which came back positive for the disease. She then sent me to the gastro specialist who then sent me for more tests, including a colonoscopy. A procedure that was originally scheduled in 3 months time. The doc got me in sooner. I am forever grateful that he did.

We could of had a chemotherapy conversation, instead of what I can and can’t eat anymore. I was so close to history repeating itself as I was 10 when my mom died, the age of my oldest daughter now.

Cancer is all over my family history. I am the only one in my immediate family circle that hasn’t had it. AND I ALMOST HAD IT.

I meet my husband for a celebratory ‘last gluten meal’. The shock slowly wears off as perspective sinks in. I am grateful for having such a strong medical team. I am still here. I am older than my mom got to live and I don’t take that lightly.

As I break the news to friends and family, I get the pity noises. I can’t understand why changing what I eat is a bad thing? It could have been worse, I could have died from the silent killer.

I dive into what I can put on my plate. Sure, I grieve over the fast food I no longer can have anymore, but it was bad for me. It almost killed me. I didn’t lose weight quickly, but I began to love my body again. I started to feel taller. I began to not crave the junk food, but craved popcorn and avocados! My kids and husband commented how happier I seem.

Knowing what was hurting my body felt so empowering and I welcomed the solace the diagnosis gave me. My mom couldn’t change the fact that cancer took her from us. I can change what is on my plate to be here for my family. I will take that gratitude and never let it go.

 

 

 

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5 Questions I Would Ask My Mom

Posted by admin on July 4, 2017 in Motherless Mom |

My nine-year-old daughter just put me through an interview. She asked questions about my favorite movies and favorite foods. I was delighted to answer every question. Her curiosity shows off her brilliant mind.   I only knew my mom for ten years. Without a doubt, I know what I would ask her today.   Mom, […]

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Grief Without Borders/Thank you, from Canada

Posted by admin on July 4, 2017 in Motherless Mom |

It is 2018. Many fellow Canadians are opting to not travel to the United States because of the current political climate. I can’t help to think of the American experience we had in 2013. It was the first Family Day here in my province. And we had to leave our country for the day. My […]

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The Wind of Autism

Posted by admin on March 27, 2017 in Motherless Mom |

Like a sunrise I didn’t know I needed, you marched into our life to make your claim. Your silent words I should have heeded, delays past milestones, red-flags everywhere. Your eyes expressed when words failed. The simplest thing could trigger a storm. I pulled every trick I could until you sailed back to the moment, […]

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My Writing Life: Mom Edition

Posted by admin on March 19, 2017 in Motherless Mom |

  You can’t edit a blank page, just like you can’t make a kid take a nap. When my oldest was a baby, inspiration hit me to write a children’s book for her. Our oldest cat was getting on in age. I was afraid she wouldn’t know him as she grew up. One day while […]

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Thank you, Mr. Vint

Posted by admin on March 8, 2017 in Motherless Mom |

Snuggled on the couch with photo albums spread out, my kids ask again for stories about when I was in school. It is the end of the current school year. We are chatting about the good memories of the year. My kids are amazed that there was life before them. “Who was your favorite teacher […]

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Why Did She?

Posted by admin on February 10, 2017 in Motherless Mom, YAFiction |

I hate her. There, I said it, or at least in my head. She was supposed to come home today. All those medical talking heads said August 15 would be the date. Adults are liars, even grandma and grandpa. They say we get extra time at their house. Are you serious? I’m supposed to be […]

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When You are Ready to Quit: Don’t

Posted by admin on February 4, 2017 in Motherless Mom |

  My tunnel vision sharpens, my eyes are focused on my MacBook screen. The message stares at me without blinking. I have read it a possible few hundred times. I swallow in attempts to quench my parched throat. My voice echoes the message. “ Thank you for writing about what I have been thinking… None […]

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My Autism Confession

Posted by admin on January 15, 2017 in Motherless Mom |

It is 3:45 am according to my ancient clock radio. My youngest daughter drags my right hand to pull me out of bed. She leads me to the gate at the top of the stairs indicating she wants to go downstairs. I slide on my eyeglasses to see as we try to sneak downstairs to […]

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A Mother Is

Posted by admin on December 11, 2016 in Motherless Mom |

A mother is unconditional in her love I learned that with my mother. A mother is patient I learned that from my mother   A mother is sharing anything she has I learned that from my mother A mother is always there to listen I learned that from my mother   A mother is there […]

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