I Am Older than My Mother


After washing the breakfast dishes and loading them into the dishwasher, I feel a sense of dread. I am spooked, and I know why. Without looking at the calendar or knowing what day it is, I just know. It is March 28th and I am now older than my mom was before she passed away from breast cancer at 38 years old. I still do not know exactly how I feel.

Ever since she died, I feared turning 38. I long to celebrate my 39th birthday. I am probably the rare woman who can’t wait to see forty, because my mom did not. When I turned 28 I began the mammograms and ultrasounds and blood work to keep a check on my health. As of right now, I am the only woman in my immediate family that has avoided cancer.

That C-word has taken everyone I have ever loved in my family and has threatened my younger sister three times. It is an evil and awful disease. I try to keep eating right but struggle with hat. I lost my svelte figure when my youngest daughter stopped liking the stroller. I gave up on me constantly. Until this moment.

While I will not be vigilant and absorb every health plan, I will look for balance. Life is too short. For my heart is telling me I need to work more on my goals, my dreams. It will honor my mother and leave a legacy for my children.

Many motherless daughters swing through emotions of living longer than their mothers: guilt of living longer to a sense of relief that they ‘made it.’ I do feel the power to make my life right like she was not given the time to do.

I walk into the hallway where my mom’s smiling face is looking at me from the picture frame. I whisper to her that I understand so much more now. I will make her proud, so when we meet again she can tell me how proud she is of me. All of a sudden I feel ten years old again and was just told she died. It is 28 years later, and the hole in my heart when she left is still there. I will continue to treat her granddaughters like she treated me. I will work on a ‘bucket list.’ I never knew her list.

I quickly turn my tears into a sniffle when my daughters come running up to me. I will still fear that one day I might be taken from them too soon. But then again, anyone who has lost a parent no matter the age will say it was too soon.

I love you Mommy, more than a million oceans.


Post-Natal Purses: Size Matters


As you prep for when baby arrives the one tool you need to leave the house with (after the car seat) is the diaper bag. When looking at the suggested checklist it seems that a new mom needs a large suitcase with heels just to leave the house. Your back groans at the thought of it.

When your baby arrives what you actually need varies to kid to kid. I went through several bags as often my kids outgrew their clothes. What I narrowed down to what to compile into one bag for us three: one errand, play dates or appointments that took all day. My biggest tip is that to put your wallet and essentials in a small clutch inside the diaper bag. It helps for when you need to find your wallet or lip balm. You will always pack too much or too little.

As your kids grow, they will have their own backpacks or bags for their own stuff. You will reclaim your purse once again. Your back will straighten while your heart is whimsical on how fast your kids are growing.

Size matters when it comes to packing what you may or actually need for your time outside the house. It also helps when you come to the rescue of a cranky toddler when you find goldfish in the black hole of your purse.

Just never forget your essentials. After all a happy mom is a happy life. 🙂


Why I Like Strike Days

It is Day 1 of the BC Teachers Strike. There have been many mixed emotions about it from parents, the union and government. I have made my own feelings be known about the matter to media and both sides of it. That is not why I am penning this post.

Initially when the strike was announced five days ago, I panicked. I wondered what I would do with my kindergartener for all that time. Day camps are an option, however, my youngest daughter’s home therapy schedule conflicts with many local camps.

Then my creative side in me went to work. I came up with a list of things we could do at home. Most on the list is free. The bonus for the strike days is that I do not have to try to get both kids out to make it to school.

My list:

  1. Offer play dates to friends. It helps another parent if we can trade houses to share playtimes.
  2. Have my 5 year-old work on her independent reading. Also, she will read to her sister which gives bonus bonding time.
  3. Fort Theatre. We love making a fort inside the house to have a snack or meal while watching a movie it’s a lot of fun.
  4. Make a storybook. It incorporates her independent writing and art time.
  5. Purge the house of unused toys. We do this every few months. I also get into the spirit to donate what I no longer use.

Treating this time to nurture the skills she is learning at school and having bonus play time will make the days go by fast. School will be there eventually, but our precious time together is priceless.