Month: April 2012

Motherless Parenting

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When I mention to an acquaintance that my mom died a long time ago, I am met with the pity look. The label gets stamped on my forehead like a marquee. Sometimes the other person asks how I take breaks or go to appointments. I answer, I don’t get breaks and my kids come with me everywhere. It isn’t easy, but it’s our life. I do not have access to free babysitting. As a result, my kids are exposed to a wide variety of life lessons. Parenting motherless leaves open the trials and tribulations of our daily lives.

One thing that I do struggle with, what I think I have to do, is cooking. I never was a great cook before kids and I am even worse now. I am a packaged food mom. I have tried some recipes but have failed.  It is just that I would rather be in the playroom and not the kitchen. It is not in me to cook from scratch. I might one day try again to do more cooking. My mom was a crock pot cook before she got sick. We had cookies from a package. We survived.

When it comes to discipline, I know I am lax. I never know when I should  ‘parent’ and when I should let something go. Simple parenting lessons that I would ask my mom if she were here. I know I must sweat the small stuff and yet let big stuff slide. My kids must be confused.

When something parenting comes up that I do not have an answer to, I always wonder what would my mom do? I find that to be an enlightening question. Knowing her last few years must have changed a lot on how she parented, I learn to relax and have fun more with my kids. My girls will get into trouble as they grow and test boundaries.  Go with the flow, right?

I will continue to make mistakes as we grow together as a family unit. Each kid is different.  Yes, it is hard some days when I do not know the right answer. Is there ever a right question?

Motherless Parenting

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When I mention to an acquaintance that my mom died a long time ago, I am met with the pity look. The label gets stamped on my forehead like a marquee. Sometimes the other person asks how I take breaks or go to appointments. I answer, I don’t get breaks and my kids come with me everywhere. It isn’t easy, but it’s our life. I do not have access to free babysitting. As a result, my kids are exposed to a wide variety of life lessons. Parenting motherless leaves open the trials and tribulations of our daily lives.

One thing that I do struggle with, what I think I have to do, is cooking. I never was a great cook before kids and I am even worse now. I am a packaged food mom. I have tried some recipes but have failed.  It is just that I would rather be in the playroom and not the kitchen. It is not in me to cook from scratch. I might one day try again to do more cooking. My mom was a crock pot cook before she got sick. We had cookies from a package. We survived.

When it comes to discipline, I know I am lax. I never know when I should  ‘parent’ and when I should let something go. Simple parenting lessons that I would ask my mom if she were here. I know I must sweat the small stuff and yet let big stuff slide. My kids must be confused.

When something parenting comes up that I do not have an answer to, I always wonder what would my mom do? I find that to be an enlightening question. Knowing her last few years must have changed a lot on how she parented, I learn to relax and have fun more with my kids. My girls will get into trouble as they grow and test boundaries.  Go with the flow, right?

I will continue to make mistakes as we grow together as a family unit. Each kid is different.  Yes, it is hard some days when I do not know the right answer. Is there ever a right question?

 

 

Carly’s Voice: Breaking through Autism

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By Arthur Fleischmann with Carly Fleischmann

Chances are you may have heard about Carly. There was a great story about her on 20/20 when she began typing at the age of eleven as a way to communicate for the first time.  Her story, along with her family’s a great example of how adversity can strengthen a family.

After doctors told Tammy and Arthur that they wouldn’t get pregnant, Taryn and Carly arrived. Carly was perfectly healthy on paper. She was diagnosed with severe autism and oral-motor apraxia (why she was unable to speak.)

Her parents refused to be discouraged.  They began the long, challenging journey to get the answers to help Carly. “Carly has always just been Carly.” This quote from her dad rang true to me. My family entered into in the world of autism when our youngest was diagnosed at age three. As we felt, Carly’s family never dwelled on why, but now what?  Every kid on the spectrum is vastly different. Looking for the magic pill is a dream. A recurring dream of Arthur’s involved a feisty Carly teasing her dad about his haircut. I too had a dream of my younger daughter telling her big sis to ‘shut up.’

Throughout this book there are many lessons to learn about autism.  He writes very truthfully about the public school system in Canada. Sharing about the heartbreak on how Carly’s siblings would be invited to parties and not Carly. This is not a book for just those with a family member on the spectrum. This is a book that should be on school and library shelves. Maybe with society learning more about autism perhaps World Autism Awareness Day can become World Autism Acceptance Every Day.

“Ignorance is caused by lack of knowledge, so lets educate our selfs.” Carly.

Carly has become an autism advocate. She is inspiring people everywhere, including this mom of a non-verbal daughter. There is hope in many avenues. We just need to be open and let our kids drive sometimes.

Tonight on Twitter: Join us for an #autism chat on Tuesday, April 24 at 9 pm est featuring @CarlysVoice. RSVP on Facebook vsb.li/dTezEK under community

Reads for Parents on Autism

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The Out-of- sync Child

recognizing and coping with sensory processing disorder

by Carol Kranowitz, M.A.
Before my youngest daughter was diagnosed last year with autism I was overwhelmed with all of the  books offering advice.  This book helps break down what you can do for your child who might not be on the spectrum but exhibit sensory overload. What really caught my eye was that all of them approaches that are mentioned in the book are drug-free. This is a book for my reference shelf.

The Golden Hat

Taking Back Autism

By Kate Winslet, Margret Ericsdottir, and Keli Thorsteinsson

“Thank you for taking this journey   with us. We hope this book brings a new awareness of the opportunity we have   to help those with autism learn to communicate and realize their ambitions.   People with autism have the potential to achieve great things, but only when   given the appropriate support and education. This is why the Golden Hat   Foundation was formed. All author proceeds from this book go directly to the   Golden Hat Foundation. With your help, we can change the world for people   with autism.”

The book is made up of Kate and Margret’s stories, their personal email   correspondence, and Keli’s poetry. Kate has shared this story with some of   the world’s most famous people, posing the question: “What is important   to you to express?” Their responses are a collection of self-portraits   and their answers to the question

All the author proceeds from this book   will benefit the Golden Hat Foundation, founded by Kate Winslet and Margret   Ericsdottir to build innovative living campuses for people with autism and   raise public awareness of their intellectual capabilities.

 

 

Stay tuned for my review of Carly’s   Voice. A book on autism from the inside!
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am a Macaroni Mom

Posted in Loss Of My Mom, Marriage, moms, Motherless Mama1 Comment

I am snug in a booth in the food court at the mall. To my right is my three-year-old. To her right is the wall. We are munching on our coffee shop treats. We just dropped her sister at kindergarten. Across from us are a mom and her son. By the sounds of it their snack time it is way different than ours. She is bribing him to eat an apple then she will buy the fries he wants. By the sign of his crossed arms, it is not going well.

I glance at my youngest and am amazed at how lucky I am with my girls. From the time they started solid foods I had given them fresh fruits and vegetables which they eagerly ate. We allowed junk food at birthday parties. My girls didn’t even get chocolate until they were two. Even then it was only for special events.

When I was eight months pregnant with my youngest I had a huge panicked fear-I am neither a cook nor a baker. I am not creative in the kitchen whatsoever. I did know that it was important to get organized in the culinary arts. With a tenacious toddler demanding her favorite foods every day, I got to work. Now we have a family plan for every day of the week to allow moderation while eating healthy.

Macaroni Mondays is a popular day in our house. It is easy to make and there is always clean plates after dinner.

Tim Horton’s Tuesday is a happy day. It is the day for Timbits.

Wednesday is saved for leftovers from the past few days. Dinner is a mesh of foods that guarantee that nothing will be thrown out.

Taco Thursday is a quick, fun night. We either fill up the taco shells or use tortilla chips.

French fry Fridays caps off the week beautifully. It is our pizza and movie night. We all picnic in the living room while watching a family movie.

Weekends are saved for waffles, pancakes or French toast. It is what gets us a few more minutes in bed before having to make breakfast.

While we have themed days, I adapt and change as needed. Sometimes a lasagna or casserole makes its way to the dinner table. I also utilize a local food store called M&M Meat Shop which has an extensive inventory of fresh and frozen meals. When I do cook my limited repertoire, I make large batches. Leftovers are frozen for ‘one of those nights.’ We also make sure our girls have their Iron Kids gummies to balance it out.

I love the time with my daughters instead of burning dinner. Time is too short. One day they will help me in the kitchen, or not even make it home for dinner. I do not feel guilty that I am a poor cook. I am there for them in other ways, French fries and all.

Things people say in the face of Autism

Posted in #autism, birth moments, Marriage, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama2 Comments

My shock prevents me to answer the remark a complete stranger just said to me. I am waiting to pick up my oldest from kindergarten. At my feet is my three-year-old daughter who is laughing at a kid next to her. On the outside she looks like a regular kid. On the inside she is different, autistic. The stranger had watched her and walked over to me to say. “Everything happens for a reason.” And sauntered off to get her kid.

I know I should have thicker skin when it comes to remarks like that. I know I should let it roll off my back. I know I shall expect it again. It makes my brain go into what people should say. They are:

5 things Not to Say to an Autism Parent

  1. Everything happens for a reason.
  2. At least the child is healthy.
  3. That must be tough.
  4. Can’t you control your kid? ( or the nasty glances.)
  5. I don’t know how you do it.
  6. This kid is born to you because you are strong and can handle it all.

5 things to say to an Autism Parent

  1. How are you?
  2. Can I babysit sometime?
  3. Your kid is wonderful/smart/delightful.
  4. The world is a better place with your kid in it.
  5. _______________________________________

I wish to put this on a laminated card to hand out when people approach me like that lady. The bell rings and I put a smile on my face to greet my kindergartener. As we race to the playground for some fun, I wonder what the fifth thing that should be on that list.

What would you say to a parent with a child on the spectrum that is positive?

Every Day is Autism Day

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World Autism Awareness Day was last week.  I understand the need to bring awareness to Autism. More and more kids are being diagnosed at a fast pace. As a mom of a three-year-old diagnosed on the spectrum, I wonder when it will ever be Autism Acceptance Day. Even at her tender age my daughter has encountered a lot of ignorance.

So let me talk to you about my daughter:

  1. She loves Doritos. We do use chips as incentive to get her to complete tasks, like puzzles.
  2. She is very compassionate to animals. Some autism ‘experts’ say that is not possible.
  3. My daughter comprehends a vast amount that is communicated to her.
  4. She only has 5 speaking words that you can understand. Hugs are plentiful in our house.
  5. My life would not be the same without her. She reminds us how simple things can bring such joy.

By talking and sharing it can be realized that autism is not a big deal. It does require a lot of therapy to help kids with daily tasks that most learn on their own.

What else would you like to know about autism and/or our life involving autism?