Unplugging for a little jumping.
Summer came early.
Month: May 2012
Why I Write/Blog
I am staring at the blank computer screen, having writer’s block. After three years of actively blogging I am stuck for a topic, even though my life is expansive on writing material. From my desk I can hear the birds chirping, the slight spring breeze wafts through my open window. My family is out for a quick journey. I have the time I crave to finally write. And I am stuck.
I think back to when I first started to write. My oldest was just a baby when I realized that I was approaching the age that my mother died. Not knowing her stories in her own words motivated me scribe mine, in case I had the same fate or if I forgot things. As the years pass fast being a mom there are minute details that have escaped me.
Writing also was a way to vent my isolation on being motherless, not having family to help the day-to-day and when my youngest was diagnosed with autism. Writing my blog began to bridge the gap that I felt. A void was there that slowly dissipated, especially when readers began to comment.
With a smile, I begin to type. I never profess to writing well or being a literary author. I write for my girls, other moms and most importantly for me. No one can tell my stories but me.
Wordless Wednesday: Best Mother’s Day gift.
‘Mommy, here is my heart in your necklace.’ said my five-year-old beauty.
Take that Tiffany’s.
From The Motherless Archives: First Motherless Mother’s Day
I am standing in the hallway with my teacher, who is explaining to me that I can do my book report in the library. I shake my head saying that I want to stay in the classroom.
“The class is working on their Mother’s Day projects. I thought you would be more comfortable doing something else.” He can’t even look me in the eye.
I mumble. “Ok “and slink back into the classroom to get my notebook and book materials. I avoid the looks from the other students. My cheeks feel like they are bright red. I close the door behind me and walk down the hallway to the library. I look around and find a quiet corner to work. Spreading out my things I feel so alone. With that, I miss my mom so hard it hurts.
She has been only gone less than a year and it feels like it was yesterday when I last saw her. She was in her hospital room and couldn’t talk. Breast cancer took her from me and my sister. I pause to wonder what the rest of my class is making. I remember making her a homemade card in my Grade 5 art class. I gave it to her at dinner which she loved. I didn’t know it would be our last Mother’s Day together then.
As if overnight , my friends faded into the sidelines. I was the freak who didn’t have a mom. No one knew what to say or do when they were around me. My teachers excused my poor grades because my mom had died. I try to smile my way through the days when all the while I just want to go back to how life used to be.
A classmate enters the library to tell me I can come back. I realize I never even did any work. I collect my books and follow him, enter the classroom behind him. My eyes dart around the room to see what they had made. I couldn’t see anything. It was as if Mother’s Day didn’t exist anymore.
I guess it doesn’t for me anymore.
Personal Book Review: Honky Tonk Girl
My Life In Lyrics
By Loretta Lynn
“She’d smile in Mommy’s understanding way.” The song, the 1976 best-selling memoir and the Oscar-winning bio picture, The Coal Miner’s Daughter, made Loretta known world-wide. She was the first woman to be named Entertainer of the Year by the Country Music Association and she continues to play to full houses today. This book is filled with her stories, lyrics and personal pictures that tell her rags-to-riches story.
She became famous to me when I was young. My mom would raise the volume on the car radio when her songs came on. We once packed into the family car to travel hours to see Ms. Lynn perform, and I was lucky to see her face to face when she walked by to shake the hands of her fans. I was mesmerized by her larger than life persona. The music bounced off the walls with her passion for singing her story of how she pushed the boundaries in music and life.
Ever since my mom died, when I hear Coal Miner’s Daughter I recall the warmth I felt back then. She represents a time in my life when I still had a childhood. Despite her own childhood in Butcher Holler, Kentucky, she empowered herself to get more out of life. Loretta writes fondly about her time as a child, and more so on writing about her marriage to becoming a mother.
“My mommy used to say I wasn’t afraid of anything. To tell me I couldn’t do something was like daring me to do it.” That drove Loretta to write Mountain Climber. “The higher the mountain the better I like ‘em.”
Whether it’s tears or laughter that moves you as you read about her, you cannot help but feel appreciative of your own life. It is moving and motivating. I miss my mom terribly and feel connection to her when I read this or hear a Loretta tune.
Motherless: 5 things to honor your mom
I am walking through the mall with my daughters and see Mother’s Day signage. What should be a happy sight, I feel mixed emotions. Ever since my mom died I have hated Mother’s Day. I’ve tried to make it passable by honoring my grandmothers, but it wasn’t the same. Now as a mom, I feel I need to participate in the Hallmark holiday.
She is never far from my thoughts. I have been alive longer than her. What started to make the day fun for me was when I began things to honor my mom every day like:
- I break out pictures of my childhood and share stories with my daughters. By talking about the good times it reminds me I did have a childhood.
- She loved purses. I have some of hers and have added a lot more since. When I get nostalgic I look at my purses and remember playing dress up with them. Sometimes I will go window shop the purse section of department stores. It may seem silly, but it is calming to me.
- I watch her favorite movies or television shows. I remember watching The Young and the Restless when I was home from school. The house stopped for that one hour. Watching it today makes me feel close to her.
- I give myself permission to grieve. The loss of her will always be here. It comes in fast and furious. A trigger can be small or big depending on the day. When I embrace the pain I get through it.
- I work on living each day as it might be the last. I often forget to make each day count. The beauty is when I wake up the next day it is a fresh start.
I may be a grown woman but I will always wonder, what if she didn’t have cancer? What if she survived? What if I had a regular childhood that didn’t involve hospitals and wheelchairs?
Looking at my daughters enjoying a mall treat, I know I can drive myself mad wondering the what if’s. I might live till tomorrow, or not. What matters is honoring my mom while living my life. Being the mom she was is a great gift to give my daughters.
Motherless: 5 things to honor your mom everyday
I am walking through the mall with my daughters and see Mother’s Day signage. What should be a happy sight, I feel mixed emotions. Ever since my mom died I have hated Mother’s Day. I’ve tried to make it passable by honoring my grandmothers, but it wasn’t the same. Now as a mom, I feel I need to participate in the Hallmark holiday.
She is never far from my thoughts. I have been alive longer than her. What started to make the day fun for me was when I began things to honor my mom every day like:
- I break out pictures of my childhood and share stories with my daughters. By talking about the good times it reminds me I did have a childhood.
- She loved purses. I have some of hers and have added a lot more since. When I get nostalgic I look at my purses and remember playing dress up with them. Sometimes I will go window shop the purse section of department stores. It may seem silly, but it is calming to me.
- I watch her favorite movies or television shows. I remember watching The Young and the Restless when I was home from school. The house stopped for that one hour. Watching it today makes me feel close to her.
- I give myself permission to grieve. The loss of her will always be here. It comes in fast and furious. A trigger can be small or big depending on the day. When I embrace the pain I get through it.
- I work on living each day as it might be the last. I often forget to make each day count. The beauty is when I wake up the next day it is a fresh start.
I may be a grown woman but I will always wonder, what if she didn’t have cancer? What if she survived? What if I had a regular childhood that didn’t involve hospitals and wheelchairs?
Looking at my daughters enjoying a mall treat, I know I can drive myself mad wondering the what if’s. I might live till tomorrow, or not. What matters is honoring my mom while living my life. Being the mom she was is a great gift to give my daughters.
Confessions from D
Before I started this blog I wrote two books for my kids on our cat Harley who died while I was pregnant with our second daughter. When my newest baby was mere months old I began to write about being a mom while missing mine. Off-topics like book reviews and moments with my marriage filled in the blanks. One thing I had not yet delved into was a more personal topic-me. So today, I am going to confess more about me.
- As a tween I loved Bryan Adams. When I first saw him in concert the year after my mom died, I found comfort in his words. I still enjoy seeing him in concert today. My girls know his music. I hope to meet him one day to tell him what his music has done for me.
- As a tween my favorite after school snack was saltines with margarine and ketchup. As an adult I am glad I outgrew that craving. Now it is all about a glass of white wine and a good book. J
- I have kept all of my purses since I was a teenager. My life’s history is shown throughout the styles and where I was at the time in each purse. It is the one big thing I shared in common with my mom. She loved purses. When I need to connect with her I window shop for purses and feel her with me.
- I have never seen a Twilight movie. I tried to read the books and they put me to sleep. Ten pages on Edward’s skin???
- I may be 38 ½ years old and my mom died when I was ten, but I still miss her terribly. I am sad that my daughters never had the chance to have a doting grandma. I know she would have been a cool grandma. She was a cool mom.
That is my confessions for now. Care to share one of yours??? Spill it!
Confessions from D
Before I started this blog I wrote two books for my kids on our cat Harley who died while I was pregnant with our second daughter. When my newest baby was mere months old I began to write about being a mom while missing mine. Off-topics like book reviews and moments with my marriage filled in the blanks. One thing I had not yet delved into was a more personal topic-me. So today, I am going to confess more about me.
- As a tween I loved Bryan Adams. When I first saw him in concert the year after my mom died, I found comfort in his words. I still enjoy seeing him in concert today. My girls know his music. I hope to meet him one day to tell him what his music has done for me.
- As a tween my favorite after school snack was saltines with margarine and ketchup. As an adult I am glad I outgrew that craving. Now it is all about a glass of white wine and a good book. J
- I have kept all of my purses since I was a teenager. My life’s history is shown throughout the styles and where I was at the time in each purse. It is the one big thing I shared in common with my mom. She loved purses. When I need to connect with her I window shop for purses and feel her with me.
- I have never seen a Twilight movie. I tried to read the books and they put me to sleep. Ten pages on Edward’s skin???
- I may be 38 ½ years old and my mom died when I was ten, but I still miss her terribly. I am sad that my daughters never had the chance to have a doting grandma. I know she would have been a cool grandma. She was a cool mom.
That is my confessions for now. Care to share one of yours??? Spill it!
5 things they do not tell you in prenatal classes
I am looking through my girls’ photo books. With every picture I recall snippets of the day each were taken. I see my babies in the various stages of development. I remember the longing for them to grow up so I could understand their needs. The long, long nights of walking with them to lull them to sleep seems ages ago. I read books while I was pregnant to learn what to do. My husband and I attended prenatal classes for our first. All the talks calmed our nerves and filled our brains on what to do. But it really did nothing to prepare us for parenthood. All it did was tell us what contractions were and what to pack for the hospital. It provided nothing about what to do when you bring your baby home. These are 5 things I feel they do not tell you in prenatal classes:
- Spoil yourself with downtime while pregnant. Go on a baby moon with your partner: go to the spa, go to the movies on a weekday and most importantly take time for you. It will change drastically when baby comes and you will barely have time to shower.
- One thing you may hear is ‘sleep when the baby sleeps.’ It is the truth! It is harder when you have more kids. When it is just you and babe-sleep! Forget the housework.
- They do not cover in prenatal what happens when breastfeeding does not happen. They go on and on about it, but never give you the materials and resources for when your milk does not come in. Get yourself informed with all options so you know what to do.
- When your family asks what can they do? Tell them! Help in meals, housecleaning and watching the baby so you can nap or shower in peace. It will keep you sane.
- Enjoy every moment. They grow so fast. Each stage is one to cherish.
I do love now that my girls are no longer babies. I never had the urge to have kids until I met my daughters. Now they are 3&5 years old and keep me wanting to see what they will do next. Enjoy!
Danielle Christopher 