Month: August 2012

What I Learned this Summer

Posted in #autism, first time at pre-school, Loss Of My Mom, Mommy minute, Motherless Mama, Motherless MomLeave a comment

The date is looming on my calendar. August 31st, the beginning of the Labor Day Long Weekend that signifies the end of summer. It makes me sad, yet happy. This season in particular showed that I know nothing about anything about parenting or life.

Motivated by turning older than my mom, I made plans with the girls to make their summer awesome. Play dates, park trips and more was just the tip of the summer iceberg. I would work when I could. My youngest would have her therapy and the three of us would spend afternoons jetting about. Friends on vacation, illnesses from other play mates and rainy days changed things.

After all the plans falling by the wayside, work and therapy commitments were met and a new plan emerged. No plans meant we made the rules depending on our whims. Reflecting on that today I realize I learned a lot this summer about my girls individually, my mom skills and myself in general. I should not schedule every day of their childhood.

Throwing in the towel when plans fell through was the best thing. When the have-to-dos were done, we were left with many hours to do what we wished to play on our terms. It included: visiting my husband or sister for coffee breaks during their workdays, rotating on which park we wished to go to, lots of backyard time from the pool to trampoline, bookstores, library trips and most of important of all- time together. School years are so busy. We have little time to play just the three of us. I remember many summers like that with my mom.

With all the social and other issues we are working with to help our three-year-old daughter, it melted my heart to see her big sister and her play so much together on playgrounds, trampoline and pools. Never has there been a summer where the two sisters connected in such a deep level. It goes without saying how important sibling time is for them. I am grateful to be here to see it.

I am happy I went with my instinct to take less freelance work. In June I turned down a large job. It hurt at first, but realistically I knew I would not be able to help the client and my kids all together.  As much as I like bills to be paid, I knew that work will always be there. My girls’ time with me will be a memory years from now. That is worth more than anything.

This much I know from my mom is that she would tell me I did the right thing.

Taking the time to be Mom

Posted in Loss Of My Mom, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama1 Comment

Over the past three years since joining Twitter and the Blogosphere I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of wonderful and smart people. Connections made through Twitter have landed me many published gigs. I am and will always be grateful.

During that time life has changed for my family. Our oldest has started her school career. She needed me more than ever as she adjusted to life in school. Her notes home from the teacher reflected that. Our youngest has been diagnosed with ASD (autism spectrum disorder.) That alone has been an overtime job in parenting. A lot has drifted to the wayside including my writing.

It made me struggle to get back to my computer to write. I felt guilty while I was penning my next blog and my girls needed me in their own special way. I realized this summer that I needed to be better to myself, to be more realistic in my expectations.  I know writing will always be here. One day I will have the time and energy to tap away at my laptop.

In the meantime, I am grateful to be here for my daughters as my mom did in her short time with me. Earlier this year I turned older than my mom lived. That in itself was the worst turmoil I’ve dealt with since she died in 1984. I lost my writing voice. My girls deserve to have their mom present as I no longer have mine. When my girls are older, I won’t regret not spending enough time at the computer.

I will be showing up through the wonderful sites that have published my work. I merged my two personal blogs into one to reflect my new direction. It really is what started my writing, being motherless.   The internet has been wonderful to me. I hope it is for you.

Please share what moment of clarity has brought you peace. Or are you searching for answers?

My Mother Is..

Posted in cancer sucks, Motherless Mama, Motherless Mom1 Comment

 

A mother is unconditional in her love

I learned that with my mother.

A mother is patient

I learned that from my mother

 

A mother is sharing anything she has

I learned that from my mother

A mother is always there to listen

I learned that from my mother

 

A mother is there when I shed a tear

I learned that when my mother was gone.

A mother is in my daughters

I gave that to my mother.

 

I would give every penny I ever had since you died 28 years ago so I could have 5 more minutes with you. I hope you are enjoying your grandchildren wherever you are.

 

Love you and miss you every hour.

 

 

 

When I am not here, I am there.

Posted in #BarbieICanBe, Loss Of My Mom, stay-at-home moms, Work-At-Home MomsLeave a comment

Hope your summer is going well. Of course, it is too fast when you are having fun. I had the great opportunity to be published on the following sites. I hope you enjoy them as well the rest of the great reads.

What is your favorite website and why?

http://apps.facebook.com/barbieicanbe/

http://makejensday.com/giving-kindness/random-acts-of-kindness-can-heal/

Rocket Ship Dream

Posted in Motherless Mama1 Comment

When her parents thought she is sleeping with sweet dreams, Melody sneaks out of bed quietly. She waits to see if her younger sister, Annie, is still snoring away in the bed next to her. She is sleeping so Melody carefully opens the door and closes it behind her.  She tip toes to the next room where her parents are sleeping. Melody slowly opens their closet door and goes inside.

In the far dark corner of the closet is a small, brown door. Nobody knows it is there but Melody. She opens it and magic begins. The door takes her to the roof of the house.  Three steps to her right is a small silver rocker ship with the door open. Melody climbs in.

Once she shuts the door and buckles herself in, it takes off into the sky. Melody looks down through the window and spies her house shrinking fast. The rocket ship dances through a million twinkling stars. She looks out again and sees the big blue planet where she lives shrinking.

She is feeling tired so she rests her eyes. The ship comes to a stop and Melody opens her eyes. Looking out the window she sees bright green grass meeting a bright blue sky. Wondering if she landed back home, she gets out.

Enjoying the scenery she sees a lady in the distance sitting at a picnic table. There is no one else around. Melody knows she shouldn’t approach strangers, but she needs to know where she has landed.

Walking closer to the lady, her heart is pounding very fast. The lady has light brown hair and is dressed for summer. Taking a deep breath Melody asks, “Excuse me, where am I?”

The lady turns to her with a kind smile.  “You are very far from home. It’s okay, I can help you. But first, are you hungry?” She gestures to a very full picnic basket laid in front of her.

Melody nods and sits across from the lady. The lady opens the lid of the basket and pulls out cookies, potato chips and iced tea. All are Melody’s favorite foods!  The two have a peaceful snack together on this bright warm day. When they are done eating they began to talk about their favorite things.

Melody likes the lady. She feels comfortable with her. She wanted to stay forever but was getting sleepy again. Yawning she walks over to the tree to lie down. The lady brings over a blanket and tucks Melody in.

Before Melody finally drifts off she asked the lady for her name.

The lady smiles down at her and says, “My dear, you can call me Grandma.” Melody falls asleep. When she awakes she is back at home in her own bed. Melody remembers the lady is her Grandma, the one who passed away long before she was born.  She finally had a dream come true, meeting her Grandma.