Things We Carry As Moms

Watching my one and three year old daughters playing with the other kids at the park makes me wish I could freeze frame this moment.  I can only hope that they do not have the mental baggage that I once had.

My toddler waddles over to grab a snack from the stroller near me. With a quick bite of cracker she races off to keep up with the other children. At this tender age of just eating when you are hungry is a great lesson. A lesson that took me a long time to learn.

Since my mom died when I was ten years old and my dad’s abuse that followed, I ate. Emotionally eating my way through the hard teen years, working at a desk jobs I despised in my early twenties, and trying to shine on movie sets in my later twenties gave me a rollercoaster ride on my waistline.

Now having two daughters, I managed to get my plate right by losing enough weight to be healthy. Because of the history of my mom dying of breast cancer and then later having my girls, it motivated me. Weight Watchers helped me eat well about 80 percent of the time.

At five foot ten and size 12-14 for the first time in my life as an adult, I am happy with my size. My doctor is proud of me. I am proud of me and earned these curves.  I have amazing energy to keep up with life. I do have my bad days by enjoying chocolate, wine and French fries. I feel regret at all the time and energy I wasted worrying about how I looked.

In this era of starlets checking into hospitals for ‘exhaustion’, to the stick figures on magazines and TV, I am petrified for all young girls today. The stories of twenty-year-old reality stars’ getting cosmetic surgeries makes me want to run for a cabin in the woods with my kids with no television. Growing up I had Brooke Shields and Cindy Crawford was the supermodel. I am pleased to see a small shift in celebrityville: model Mia Tyler, Jess Weiner, Queen Latifah, and Jennifer Hudson.  I am optimistic when the public pays full attention.

With what I do serve at home and what I do eat I hope I am leading by example. Although I am the mom that allows the occasional French fry dinner, I worry about everything for my children, not just food.

My three-year-old rushes over to me to tag me. I race off to join in on the fun.  Life is about moderation. I am proud of my body which housed my two miracle daughters. Having said that, some days bonding over an ice cream bar with my children are the memories as we live them.

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