I am standing in the hallway with my teacher, who is explaining to me that I can do my book report in the library. I shake my head saying that I want to stay in the classroom.
“The class is working on their Mother’s Day projects. I thought you would be more comfortable doing something else.” He can’t even look me in the eye.
I mumble. “Ok “and slink back into the classroom to get my notebook and book materials. I avoid the looks from the other students. My cheeks feel like they are bright red. I close the door behind me and walk down the hallway to the library. I look around and find a quiet corner to work. Spreading out my things I feel so alone. With that, I miss my mom so hard it hurts.
She has been only gone less than a year and it feels like it was yesterday when I last saw her. She was in her hospital room and couldn’t talk. Breast cancer took her from me and my sister. I pause to wonder what the rest of my class is making. I remember making her a homemade card in my Grade 5 art class. I gave it to her at dinner which she loved. I didn’t know it would be our last Mother’s Day together then.
As if overnight , my friends faded into the sidelines. I was the freak who didn’t have a mom. No one knew what to say or do when they were around me. My teachers excused my poor grades because my mom had died. I try to smile my way through the days when all the while I just want to go back to how life used to be.
A classmate enters the library to tell me I can come back. I realize I never even did any work. I collect my books and follow him, enter the classroom behind him. My eyes dart around the room to see what they had made. I couldn’t see anything. It was as if Mother’s Day didn’t exist anymore.
I guess it doesn’t for me anymore.
2 thoughts on “The First Motherless Mother’s Day”
Hopefulyl Mother’s Day exists for you. Although that’s apersonal choice. I don’t get that into it. I find it too painful and Theo is too young to care. My husband’s mom died when he was just out of university but he’s an elementary school and always makes a point of being particularly sensitive around Mother’s Day. I have lots of worries about family trees, Mother’s Day etc in the school system for my son. It really behooves teachers to be sensitive to loos, death, different family forms and so on.
I can’t even imagine what it would be like as a child to deal with such a huge loss, as I read your post I found myself tearing up just at the thought. Thank you for sharing such a personal story and reminding me to soak up every moment with my children and mom.