From The Motherless Archives: First Motherless Mother’s Day

 

I am standing in the hallway with my teacher, who is explaining to me that I can do my book report in the library. I shake my head saying that I want to stay in the classroom.

“The class is working on their Mother’s Day projects. I thought you would be more comfortable doing something else.” He can’t even look me in the eye.

I mumble. “Ok “and slink back into the classroom to get my notebook and book materials. I avoid the looks from the other students. My cheeks feel like they are bright red. I close the door behind me and walk down the hallway to the library. I look around and find a quiet corner to work. Spreading out my things I feel so alone. With that, I miss my mom so hard it hurts.

She has been only gone less than a year and it feels like it was yesterday when I last saw her. She was in her hospital room and couldn’t talk. Breast cancer took her from me and my sister. I pause to wonder what the rest of my class is making. I remember making her a homemade card in my Grade 5 art class. I gave it to her at dinner which she loved. I didn’t know it would be our last Mother’s Day together then.

As if overnight , my friends faded into the sidelines. I was the freak who didn’t have a mom. No one knew what to say or do when they were around me.  My teachers excused my poor grades because my mom had died.  I try to smile my way through the days when all the while I just want to go back to how life used to be.

A classmate enters the library to tell me I can come back. I realize I never even did any work. I collect my books and follow him, enter the classroom behind him. My eyes dart around the room to see what they had made. I couldn’t see anything. It was as if Mother’s Day didn’t exist anymore.

I guess it doesn’t for me anymore.

One thought on “From The Motherless Archives: First Motherless Mother’s Day

  1. that brought tears to my eyes, I think you should celebrate who your mom was on Mother’s Day, just because she is no longer “here” doesn’t mean you should not enjoy Mother’s Day, celebrate her, how wonderful she was and how it makes you appreciate being a mother now. xox and big hugs

    Like

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