Sort Of Young and Restless


Earlier this year I became older than what my mother lived. That was a hard state of emotions to manage.  Every breath I took I became all too aware on how I understood my mom more than I actually knew her. So many times, of the past almost 28 years since she died, I have been in a state of sorrow. I ache to know or ask her a million questions.


I began writing to carve my stories for my daughters in case I met the same fate as my mom. I penned tales of our older cat, Harley, so my oldest would remember him and my youngest would get to know him. I then began to write to fill a void of missing my mother. The blogging community welcomed me and I found many motherless moms like me. Some only knew their moms through pictures.

I started three years ago without knowing a thing about blogging. It was a name pulled out of thin air.  For years I would sign notes Just, D. It just stuck. I am not a celebrity. I am just me. A daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother trying to figure out what to do.  And I still don’t.

I am at a crossroads, restless and still sort of young. I do not know if a new writing chapter is ready to emerge. Or if a name change is imminent. All I know is I love to write. I bare what I can to respect my children and my marriage. I write to figure out who am I now that I am older than my mother. In October I turn 39. She did not make it to that birthday. With all the tests and pro-activeness my future looks promising.

Please bear with me. I thank you for reading my blog and guest blogs. I adore it when you leave a comment or personal message. You validate that the blogging community is a kind and supportive one. I hope we can meet again soon.

Ciao for now,



Love letter to my girls before school

Dear Daughters, the sequel,

It has been 8 months since I penned a letter to you, so much has changed since early January. You both have grown into beautiful young girls with each in your own way.

My darling oldest daughter, in a few mere days you will hold my hand to take you to your kindergarten class. While you had two years’ experience with pre-school this time it feels harder on me. You are beginning your school journey. I have spent almost 5 years to give you any tools I could. Now it is up to you to go forward. I will be here to pick you up every day. I will hear your stories and guide you with homework. With the new mandate for full-day-kindergarten, for the first time we will not have lunch together. This is what is strange to me. For years I prepped all your meals. I will continue to make your lunches for school exciting. I know you will compare what is in everyone else’s lunch, and will trade or keep what you choose.  I remember those days. I am at a loss of not being with you every day. I am proud of you on the beauty you are inside and out.

My dear bonus younger daughter, you will begin your pre-school journey in days. Because of your social/language delays, you will have a support worker with you. You deserve everything your sister got at your age. I hope you don’t hate me for saying bye when you are in the door of your first school experience. It is not because I don’t love you, I do with all my might. It’s because I know I can’t be everything you need to develop and grow. It is time for us to step forward to help you for a few hours a week, we will not be together. I will pick you up with open arms and soak up the precious time we will have one on one before we pick up your sister. I am so proud of who you are and who you can be.

To my miracle and bonus babies, I am always here for when you need me. I know I have to let go of your hands for a bit to go forth into the beautiful world to learn and experience what I did at your tender ages. While you may not cry when I go, I will be when I walk away from your schools. And I will be there with hugs and an eager ear to hear about your school days.

With all the love from the tip of my head to the tip of my toes,