My hand reaches for my phone. I wonder how I could’ve handled the situation with my daughters better. I need to find out how I was to my sister when I was younger.
I scroll through my smartphone to find the number. It is there. I’m about to call when my heart starts to pound so loud I think my neighbors can hear it.
I put my phone down and try to calm my shaking hands. The pain shoot through my heart and thrashes my soul. It has been four years since my foster mom died. Judy saved me when I needed someone. For years she and my mom maintained a strong friendship through university and beyond. When my mom became pregnant with me it was obvious who would be my godmom.
Judy and I had our weekly date for many years. I believed the fairy godmother from Cinderella was made because of her then my mom died. Nannies and the stepmom came into my life as she faded into the background. Six years later, after an extreme fight with my dad, I made a call to Judy. It was my cry for help, and she answered. She recommended I should go through the foster system so she can be registered to be my foster mom. That way she could get money to support me.
It felt like my life and, my childhood, began again after a long blackout. As I grew older, got married and became a mom she remained an important part my life. She was my shoulder and gave me advice. In this moment, I needed her. I forgot. She is gone. I will never forget her nor will her grandchildren.
If you have a special mom or mother figure in your life, phone her or contact her today. You never know when it will be the last. I would like to forget how she died, so I will focus on how she lived.