Confessions from D

Before I started this blog I wrote two books for my kids on our cat Harley who died while I was pregnant with our second daughter. When my newest baby was mere months old I began to write about being a mom while missing mine. Off-topics like book reviews and moments with my marriage filled in the blanks. One thing I had not yet delved into was a more personal topic-me.  So today, I am going to confess more about me.

  1. As a tween I loved Bryan Adams. When I first saw him in concert the year after my mom died, I found comfort in his words. I still enjoy seeing him in concert today. My girls know his music. I hope to meet him one day to tell him what his music has done for me.
  2. As a tween my favorite after school snack was saltines with margarine and ketchup. As an adult I am glad I outgrew that craving. Now it is all about a glass of white wine and a good book. J
  3. I have kept all of my purses since I was a teenager. My life’s history is shown throughout the styles and where I was at the time in each purse. It is the one big thing I shared in common with my mom. She loved purses. When I need to connect with her I window shop for purses and feel her with me.
  4. I have never seen a Twilight movie. I tried to read the books and they put me to sleep. Ten pages on Edward’s skin???
  5. I may be 38 ½ years old and my mom died when I was ten, but I still miss her terribly. I am sad that my daughters never had the chance to have a doting grandma. I know she would have been a cool grandma. She was a cool mom.

That is my confessions for now. Care to share one of yours??? Spill it!

Motherless Parenting

When I mention to an acquaintance that my mom died a long time ago, I am met with the pity look. The label gets stamped on my forehead like a marquee. Sometimes the other person asks how I take breaks or go to appointments. I answer, I don’t get breaks and my kids come with me everywhere. It isn’t easy, but it’s our life. I do not have access to free babysitting. As a result, my kids are exposed to a wide variety of life lessons. Parenting motherless leaves open the trials and tribulations of our daily lives.

One thing that I do struggle with, what I think I have to do, is cooking. I never was a great cook before kids and I am even worse now. I am a packaged food mom. I have tried some recipes but have failed.  It is just that I would rather be in the playroom and not the kitchen. It is not in me to cook from scratch. I might one day try again to do more cooking. My mom was a crock pot cook before she got sick. We had cookies from a package. We survived.

When it comes to discipline, I know I am lax. I never know when I should  ‘parent’ and when I should let something go. Simple parenting lessons that I would ask my mom if she were here. I know I must sweat the small stuff and yet let big stuff slide. My kids must be confused.

When something parenting comes up that I do not have an answer to, I always wonder what would my mom do? I find that to be an enlightening question. Knowing her last few years must have changed a lot on how she parented, I learn to relax and have fun more with my kids. My girls will get into trouble as they grow and test boundaries.  Go with the flow, right?

I will continue to make mistakes as we grow together as a family unit. Each kid is different.  Yes, it is hard some days when I do not know the right answer. Is there ever a right question?