Letters To My Dead Mother: January 1985

January 12th, 1985

Mom,

Dad is really angry all the time now. I can’t sleep in case he storms in to wake me up to give me heck for doing something or not even doing something that I did not even know I was/wasn’t supposed to do. It might be small like a D on one class or not cleaning one dish completely. He treats Katie so much better than he treats me. He treats her like she is still a baby. I am so sick of hearing things like” oh she’s so young to not have her mom around. Poor thing.” What about me!!???!!?? It’s going to be still years till I can move out. I can’t get out of the house much with friends cause he grounds me constantly. I have to ask days in advance if I want to go to the mall with anyone. He controls everything in my life. There is no one I can really talk to like you. You can’t help me really now. Some days I think that life would be better with you and not him. Would I even be able to find you? Is heaven really big? Cripes! He’s yelling again. Better go.

                                       N

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