Letters To My Dead Mother: You will be a grandma!

January 6th, 2006


I had a doctor’s appointment because my period was a week late. I was resigned to that fact that it was probably the endometriosis again and that it could mean a more drastic surgery. I was stunned to the news that I was 5 weeks pregnant. After being reassured that it was no mistake, my doctor (not the same one who told me that I could not have children) high fived me. I could not remember the rest of the conversation. Breaking the news to my husband was the next step. I wanted to do it in a creative way, as he really did want kids. I told him a little white lie when I called him to say that I was fine and had a false positive to the pregnancy test. When he finally got home that night after work, I asked him what he was doing on September 6th. Why, he asked? I just looked up at him then he knew. This is crazy! I am not supposed to a mom!?!? I am still in shock. I am sure you had something to do with that, heh?

      I need to sleep. No wonder I have been tired. I thought it was too much holiday parties!

                            Love you!                          

                            Holy Crap!


August 15th, 2006


It has been too long since you have been gone. Ok. Feeling a little musical now that I have time to relax before this baby comes. Let me fill you in on the rest of the pregnancy if you have missed anything.

The rest of the pregnancy flew. I had only a few bad days the first trimester. The second one was becoming a little more challenging. I had some swelling in my legs and my belly was definitely growing. I worked on my feet all day in a store that did not help my energy level. I was exhausted. We saved our pennies and purchased a safer family car. Then we realized we did not want stay in our neighborhood. There was a shooting, a stabbing and numerous break ins in cars and homes. So we searched. At that time was the rise in real estate made our belts a little tighter. We did find a place in a better neighborhood. By that time I was so ready to be on mat leave. We get 50 weeks of maternity and parental leave.

It is funny how some believe the old wives tale about what gender you are carrying. I was asked a thousand questions about what I am craving, to how I am carrying (high or low) and how big my but was getting. (Already a big size before pregnancy). My husband and I went thru the checklist on that topic. It is crazy what there is. There was the above mentioned, the wedding band on a string over the belly, if the husband gained weight to many, many more. I did not care since every medical test that was thrown at us we passed.

Funny enough, once relatives saw the ultrasound the word “boy” came up in every conversation in reference to my belly. They meant well. I never wanted to put that pressure on my unborn child.

                      I need to have a cat nap now.



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