Letters To My Dead Mother: First 6 weeks being a mom

October 28th, 2006

Mom,

I gave it my best shot. I did well. Yesterday all three ladies went out for shopping and lunch. Marge (Alex’s mom) spoiled me. Trinity was great. Marge did try to baby-sit many times. I wonder if she was trying to bribe me especially when she offered to send me to the spa? Funny cause that is what I probably would do. It is 6:30 am on Saturday and I can not sleep. Alex is a loud snorer. Marge is in our living room so we can’t go down yet. The boys are on our bed and now scratching and whining at her door looking for their breakfast. Trinity is asleep too. Guess I will be the tired one today which means being the fun one. God my stomach is so flabby. I still look pregnant. At least we are attempting and getting ‘some’. I still feel frumpy and ugly. A big blob.

Now it is so quiet. I can’t hide anywhere. Our youngest cat is going over the squirt gun at the front of the door and is trying to slide under the door. It is hard for them too. They are used to the household being up by now. I guess my clock is like that too. I got the blind’s open in her room waiting for daylight. I am glad we do not have guests too often or we will need to clean up the office and let them stay there. I feel trapped and lonely. I think I chatted Marge’s ear off yesterday. I am going to try and shut my eyes now.

I had the house to myself for the first time since Trinity was born. I took a long hot shower, did my hair, and put on my make-up. Unbelievable! It felt so good. I feel human. Still with the house to myself I did housework! Will I ever learn? I am such a housewife (not a great one but one).

I feel delightfully buzzed again. It is Saturday night at nine pm. I am still up and awake and do not care. It has been a great week. Trinity has been delicious. She has been talking and focusing more on things. She will be six weeks in a few hours. This time six weeks ago I was wondering why I got pregnant. I was in the assessment area waiting to be escorted to my room. Today was May’s fifty seven birthday. I was stoked to give her an opportunity to hang out with us all. I am loving the fact that the pants I bought two and a half weeks ago are now really loose. I discovered another chance to self publish. I just need the cash to do it at Chapters. This feels so like old times. Alex doing his own thing and I am doing mine with no other responsibility.

                                    Love,

                                         Nic

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