September 7^th, 2008

Mommy,

The last year had been such a challenge. We have been through a lot with this baby. We have worried about her health (yes we are mostly sure it’s another girl). We have had to go through so many tests and waiting for results.

The latest is that the size of this new one is above the charts. So tomorrow we have to march in there to see if this is a very big baby that I have to c-section or I could still deliver. I am so scared. I do not want a c-section. We do not have much help. This birth will be much harder to recover from with a toddler running around.

Guess it will be a crap shoot or a roll of the die. Pleas let this baby be ok and healthy. Let this be ok on me to be a good mom to both. Trin has had us all to herself for so long, I hope she will adjust ok.

                              Help us please.

                                     Nicole

October 15^th, 2008

Mother,

In the name of realism, this will be my last letter to you for awhile. We are due in a couple of weeks. I am trying to downsize my life in preparing the whirlwind storm that is to come.

I have loved writing to you. In a way you have been my best friend for all these years. I never want to let go of the idea of you. Crazy that it has been 24 years since you have died. Feels like three lifetimes ago.

I could not say good-bye to you so I will say talk to you later. I must focus on my present. I owe the kids that.

                   I love you more than a million oceans.

                     Love your daughter always,

                                    Nicole