Letters To My Dead Mother: scary times without you

September 7th, 2008

Mommy,

The last year had been such a challenge. We have been through a lot with this baby. We have worried about her health (yes we are mostly sure it’s another girl). We have had to go through so many tests and waiting for results.

The latest is that the size of this new one is above the charts. So tomorrow we have to march in there to see if this is a very big baby that I have to c-section or I could still deliver. I am so scared. I do not want a c-section. We do not have much help. This birth will be much harder to recover from with a toddler running around.

Guess it will be a crap shoot or a roll of the die. Pleas let this baby be ok and healthy. Let this be ok on me to be a good mom to both. Trin has had us all to herself for so long, I hope she will adjust ok.

                              Help us please.

                                     Nicole

October 15th, 2008

Mother,

In the name of realism, this will be my last letter to you for awhile. We are due in a couple of weeks. I am trying to downsize my life in preparing the whirlwind storm that is to come.

I have loved writing to you. In a way you have been my best friend for all these years. I never want to let go of the idea of you. Crazy that it has been 24 years since you have died. Feels like three lifetimes ago.

I could not say good-bye to you so I will say talk to you later. I must focus on my present. I owe the kids that.

                   I love you more than a million oceans.

                     Love your daughter always,

                                    Nicole

One thought on “Letters To My Dead Mother: scary times without you

  1. Oft in the stilly nights Moments b4 i sleep Passed aeons of joy Moments of love and affection Shivers ma soul and makes ma heart impatient!! Isn’t sm1 missing me? Isn’t sm1 trying 2 find me? I wanna express…….. Somebody loves sm1 Somebody feels 2 b vid sm1 Somebody is alone vid out sm1 and i waana confess smbody iz me… Again i wanna lay in smones lap feeling d comfort of d whole world Again i wanna feel smones hands comfort ova ma head Again i wanna knock heavens door under someones feet .. And sm1 is ma mother , gone 2 the dark world of death , left behind only memories memories and memories

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s