It’s been years since my mother died at 38 years old and I have seen my 38th birthday with dread. I was happy to never turn that age I considered as a death sentence. Two daughters later, that birthdate is now two months away. The irony that my mom had two girls, and now I do, is not lost on me. I am scared. I keep up with tests to make sure my body is healthy as it can be. Any lumps are tested right away.
Something has turned brighter for me this year. I will not waste negative energy on dreading a date I can not avoid. So I am going to treat my 38th birthday as a I chance to break out of my maternal baggage zone with abundance. I wish to do things that I have dreamt of doing but haven’t.
Some people make a bucket list. I will make an I Am Alive list. I have already let go of many mama expectations I have put on myself since this power took over. I do not break my back trying to keep a super clean home. I do not make cookies from scratch. I do not overschedule my kids. I do play with my kids. I do drop anything to be there. I do make time for myself weekly. (Still need to improve that one.) I make writing mistakes and keep writing.
My brain is filled with the possibilities to make this year a positive one. Live the year that my mom couldn’t because of the effects of chemotherapy. I am alive now. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a sister. But most of all, I am Danielle, baggage and all.
What is on your bucket list? What are you waiting for?