I stare at the new Family Calendar. The fresh year reveals its untouched surface. I have yet to update it with the family’s schedules. In my left hand are the school calendar and therapy schedules; in my right is the Sharpie marker to fill it all in. An overwhelming feeling washes over me. I am in denial. I do not want to begin a new year.
2012 was such an emotionally hard and great year rolled into a batch of twelve months. It started with our youngest daughter beginning speech and ABA therapies to help her with her delays and autism tendencies. She has done so well. We are so proud of her at every step of the way. Our oldest finished full-day kindergarten and began Grade 1. Her academic skills still surprises me as she reads a level up.
The year also marked a difficult one. The year I turned older than my mother lived. Some worry about turning 40, where I looked forward to it. The guilt of why did I get to live and she didn’t visits me frequently.
So on Thanksgiving Weekend I walked into our house to a surprise party. The people that took the time to celebrate with me still make me smile with gratitude. You can read about it more here.
Shortly after mine and my youngest daughter’s birthdays, we had the honor of meeting her rock stars, The Wiggles. She still holds the special feathersword with care.
In November, my husband and I marked our 20 year wedding anniversary by going on a rare date. It felt so good to get out without the kids and just hang out. We have been together for almost 23 years and he is still my best friend. I love that our girls see it every day. It is not easy sometimes, especially since we became parents later in our relationship. Having said that, I am very proud of us on how far we have come.
December arrived with our youngest needing her tonsils and adenoids out. The time in the hospital with her was awful. With her sensory and social challenges, I am grateful that the nurses finally listened to me to make her visit tolerable for her (and others). We were so happy to be home. Then, the cold bugs hit along with molars cutting. We didn’t feel like celebrating Christmas. The kids always motivate us to jump out of our comfort zone.
The biggest reason why I am anxious about 2013 is that our youngest will be registered for kindergarten. After over a year of therapy, I second-guess myself if she is even ready for it. She loves pre-school and her workers that come to the house. I worry if we should hold her back or would it harm her socially. The one thing that helps is that her sister would be there in the same school. A school the two have them have come to know over the past few years.
With a heavy sigh, I start to update the calendar. When January is done, I take a step back. Then it hits me, is it just me that is not ready for my girls to grow up?