motherless daughter – Danielle Christopher

I am Humbled and Honoured to be Nominated

May 27, 2013 Posted in #autism, moms, Motherless Mama2 Comments

A few weeks ago after nominations for Vancouver Mom Top Bloggers were sent out, I found out through the grapevine that a few loved ones had sent in my blog for consideration. Well, last week I was short-listed.

I have been given amazing opportunities because of my writing that have been priceless, and have had the privilege in meeting many fabulous people.

With readers like you I feel like I have achieved so much, and can’t wait to see where my proverbial pen takes me next.

If you would like to vote for me, click me on the link and vote for Motherless Moments.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Danielle

If you are in town and want to join in on the party on June 19^th, register here.(link) Use code 2013friend to save $5.00 off of a regular ticket. See you there!

Writing feeds a Hunger: Freestyle Poem

April 22, 2013 Posted in Motherless Mama, Motherless Mom, Uncategorized1 Comment

To write daily

Is to breathe emotions,

To feed a void, a hunger.

Pen over calories

To write at all

Is the prevent pent-up anger,

Frustrations, mis-placed arguments

Find a health vice

To write is to keep sane

In a world where I feel

Displaced, not the driver

Nowehere to go

My pen helps me write

What I can not say, giving up

My pen has no conditions

And puts me at a priority

Then why do I avoid it?

Excuse of my over-crowded life.

I don’t like 2013. 2012 was great!

January 9, 2013 Posted in #autism, moms, Motherless Mama, sisters4 Comments

I stare at the new Family Calendar. The fresh year reveals its untouched surface. I have yet to update it with the family’s schedules. In my left hand are the school calendar and therapy schedules; in my right is the Sharpie marker to fill it all in. An overwhelming feeling washes over me. I am in denial. I do not want to begin a new year.
2012 was such an emotionally hard and great year rolled into a batch of twelve months. It started with our youngest daughter beginning speech and ABA therapies to help her with her delays and autism tendencies. She has done so well. We are so proud of her at every step of the way. Our oldest finished full-day kindergarten and began Grade 1. Her academic skills still surprises me as she reads a level up.
The year also marked a difficult one. The year I turned older than my mother lived. Some worry about turning 40, where I looked forward to it. The guilt of why did I get to live and she didn’t visits me frequently.
So on Thanksgiving Weekend I walked into our house to a surprise party. The people that took the time to celebrate with me still make me smile with gratitude. You can read about it more here.
Shortly after mine and my youngest daughter’s birthdays, we had the honor of meeting her rock stars, The Wiggles. She still holds the special feathersword with care.
In November, my husband and I marked our 20 year wedding anniversary by going on a rare date. It felt so good to get out without the kids and just hang out. We have been together for almost 23 years and he is still my best friend. I love that our girls see it every day. It is not easy sometimes, especially since we became parents later in our relationship. Having said that, I am very proud of us on how far we have come.
December arrived with our youngest needing her tonsils and adenoids out. The time in the hospital with her was awful. With her sensory and social challenges, I am grateful that the nurses finally listened to me to make her visit tolerable for her (and others). We were so happy to be home. Then, the cold bugs hit along with molars cutting. We didn’t feel like celebrating Christmas. The kids always motivate us to jump out of our comfort zone.
The biggest reason why I am anxious about 2013 is that our youngest will be registered for kindergarten. After over a year of therapy, I second-guess myself if she is even ready for it. She loves pre-school and her workers that come to the house. I worry if we should hold her back or would it harm her socially. The one thing that helps is that her sister would be there in the same school. A school the two have them have come to know over the past few years.
With a heavy sigh, I start to update the calendar. When January is done, I take a step back. Then it hits me, is it just me that is not ready for my girls to grow up?

My Motherless Birthday Wish

October 10, 2012 Posted in birth moments, Cancer, cancer sucks, Giving Back, Loss Of My Mom, Marriage, Mom Nation, Mommy minute, Motherless Mama, Motherless Mom4 Comments

;

My heart has stopped, and then starts again full throttle. The music is filling the room with memories and dreams of the future. The words mix with the music notes from the guitar flooding my eyes with tears. The happy kind.

I am in the middle of my living room that is brimming with family and friends. They just gave me a surprise party. The icing on the cake is the gentleman who is singing the song. Chris and I only just met today, yet I know his stories as he knows mine through Social Media. He and my husband have long since connected the same way.

Only, this song came from the collaboration of the two of them for my surprise birthday party. What really made me weep is that the song is titled A Million Oceans. The very words that my own mother would say, “I love you more than a million oceans. “ My heart and soul is filled with the compassion and kindness that is bursting from my home. I am turning 39, the age my mom did not make it to. My dear husband knew this and made me a surprise like no other. That is not easy since we have been together over 22 years now. Next month we celebrate 20 years of marriage. This is one of the top romantic things he has ever done for me.

I look at the faces of my friends and family who took the time during their Thanksgiving weekend to come here to celebrate – for me. My sweet sister-in-law came from Calgary for this weekend! I am stunned and humbled all at the same time. Just when life stops surprising me, this happens, a million oceans over.

The one thing that struck me in why Chris came out was about paying it forward. It is so true. As parents, we hope that our kids’ future is at least 50% better than the way we had it at their age. I always mourned the fact that I was cheated out of having my mother as I grew up, and that my kids do not have their grandmother. I also dreaded turning 39 because my mom didn’t.

There is one thing I know today, my 39^th birthday, is that she did leave a world for me that included kind-hearted people that remind me of her. My birthday wish is that you do pay it forward for someone today, for them, you and our children.

Thank you to all of you for the love and light you have brought back to my heart.

Please feel free to share here how you paid it forward today.

Here is the song:
https://t.co/9ZJVgHjI

My Motherless Addiction

September 18, 2012 Posted in Motherless Mama, Motherless MomLeave a comment

I open my closet in the master bedroom and I am hit with so many sweet smells. I drink in the sight of my many, many boxes of purses with a whimsical smile. The smell takes me back to when I was a young girl and would play dress-up in my mom’s closet. I would flip on one of her shirts and pick out a matching purse. She would smile and laugh as I pretended to be an actress of a rich person who has an office meeting to go to. There were no limits to what I could come up with.

To my left, I see her small brown leather clutch. I trace the worn material and wonder what stories she would have told me on where she took that purse if she were here. I look at my huge collection. To a stranger it must look like such a vain hoarding. I was lucky to work at her favorite purse store for many years before I got pregnant. I took advantage of my staff discount every chance I got. Each purse tells a story. I have a few of hers before dad boxed up her stuff. I have sold a few of mine over the years but it is hard. My constant changing of my mind propels me to keep them. I do not have much to remember about her, so I live our connections with these arm candies.

As a legacy to her grandchildren, I tell them about their grandma through these bags. It is quite possible that they inherited the fashion gene as when they were younger I would pull out a box for them to explore while I showered. It was great entertainment for them to unzip and play like I once did. One day, they will have my collection. After all, it is a wise investment. Trends come and go but legacies last generations.

My name is Danielle and I have a purse addiction.

Motherless: 5 things to honor your mom

May 7, 2012 Posted in cancer sucks, Loss Of My Mom, Marriage, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless MamaLeave a comment

I am walking through the mall with my daughters and see Mother’s Day signage. What should be a happy sight, I feel mixed emotions. Ever since my mom died I have hated Mother’s Day. I’ve tried to make it passable by honoring my grandmothers, but it wasn’t the same. Now as a mom, I feel I need to participate in the Hallmark holiday.

She is never far from my thoughts. I have been alive longer than her. What started to make the day fun for me was when I began things to honor my mom every day like:

I break out pictures of my childhood and share stories with my daughters. By talking about the good times it reminds me I did have a childhood.
She loved purses. I have some of hers and have added a lot more since. When I get nostalgic I look at my purses and remember playing dress up with them. Sometimes I will go window shop the purse section of department stores. It may seem silly, but it is calming to me.
I watch her favorite movies or television shows. I remember watching The Young and the Restless when I was home from school. The house stopped for that one hour. Watching it today makes me feel close to her.
I give myself permission to grieve. The loss of her will always be here. It comes in fast and furious. A trigger can be small or big depending on the day. When I embrace the pain I get through it.
I work on living each day as it might be the last. I often forget to make each day count. The beauty is when I wake up the next day it is a fresh start.

I may be a grown woman but I will always wonder, what if she didn’t have cancer? What if she survived? What if I had a regular childhood that didn’t involve hospitals and wheelchairs?

Looking at my daughters enjoying a mall treat, I know I can drive myself mad wondering the what if’s. I might live till tomorrow, or not. What matters is honoring my mom while living my life. Being the mom she was is a great gift to give my daughters.

Book Announcement

September 5, 2011 Posted in Loss Of My Mom, Mommy minute, moms, Motherless Mama1 Comment

I am thrilled to announce that I have an essay in the collection called: Wisdom Has a Voice: Every Daughters Memory of Mother. It is out now and on Kindle. As you may have read my previous articles, being motherless has been my cathartic vice to write.

This compelling collection of twenty-five memoirs, about mothers written by their daughters, reveals a profound legacy between them. The stories run the gamut of mother-daughter relationships, from tender-hearted to difficult, and from deep rapport to discord. Yet each story tells an authentic truth, extracts an understanding, and finds wisdom. There are common threads of wisdom in this tapestry of international tales. We discover them in the context of extraordinary memoirs written with care and skill, each writer bringing insight into her experiences with mother, or a mother figure. Enjoy these true tales-they are women’s stories about mothers we’ve been waiting for. For more information, visit http://www.wisdomhasavoice.com where readers may also submit their own stories for possible publication in future editions.

The book features my story called: Motherless Moments.

“It has been 26 years since my mom died and I still miss her, including the holidays. I still remember her sitting in the black vinyl chair, cane at her side, smiling at us enjoying the Christmas presents. Each day is hard, and easy, all at once. Once I gave myself permission to embrace the grief that my children did not have their grandma, I felt lighter. By letting go, I began to tell my daughters stories of when I was a kid. Showing them pictures reminds me of the happy times. I do things that remind me of her, like watching her favorite Christmas movie and enjoy her special coffee. She will always be a part of my heart and soul.”

Even if my story is not familiar there are many great stories from women around the world sharing their own lessons from their mother.

Hope you enjoy it as much as we loved sharing.

Amazon

E-book version available September 1, 2011

I am not receiving any compensation for this independant wonderful book. It is after my own passion.

Book announcement!

September 5, 2011 Posted in Motherless MomLeave a comment