Letters To My Dead Mother: October 1986

October 12th, 1986


Some days I think I should call you my Birth Mother. Dad and Mary announced their engagement at my birthday dinner that we had at a restaurant that we all used to go to. They took your parents aside and told them first. They did not even tell me that they were going to do that. Then they went back and told the rest of the table. At my 13th birthday party! I have nothing that is mine! Now I am supposed to be happy that I am getting anew mom. Nobody asked me that you could leave and nobody asked me if I wanted a new mom. I like the one mom that I had – you. Oh yeah- did I mention that Jackie is back with us again. I found out more of why she left. None of her sisters and brother and their families like dad. Their mom and dad were together a very long time. They were barely divorced when Mary and Jena moved in. I try to suck it up and deal with all this and put a smile on my face. I try to think of when I could leave all of this. I don’t know how or when I can leave this nightmare. This is jail with no chance of parole. No one wants to hear my problems. No one cares enough of what has been going on here. I am too afraid to ask or know what to do. It could make things worst here is I tell what has been going on. Or worst- I could still be stuck here. I am only kept to be blamed on for everything.

          If only you could send me a sign of what to do!



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